Hibernation

Jolyon just reminded me I haven't updated my blog in 6 weeks.

Maybe I've been busy. But maybe it's just winter. I feel slow. And heavy. (I have stored a significant amount of hibernation fat!) All I want to do is sleep and drink hot cocoa.

Actually, during this 6 weeks I have had thoughts for blog posts that I wanted to make known to the world. But I store them in my mind for a day or two, never get to them, and they slip away, into oblivion.

Life lately feels like a monotonous drone. I drag myself through grading and teaching and doing research. Yes, it feels like I'm dragging myself. No jumping or skipping or sparkles lately. I think I will blame it on the weather.

The little events I've looked forward to have come and gone. My choir performance. My thanksgiving in Toronto. Now I've sailed past those lighthouses what I have before me is a dark sea of winter. Oh yes, there is still Christmas where I get to go home. But that is 3 weeks away, so that light is still faint.

But in this sea of darkness there is something I look forward to, consistently: Savasana at the end of each yoga practice. I love that little escape of just lying there, being there in my body, and quiet, letting go of all of the other stuff outside that moment.

Oh and also there's another moment every night, when I'm warm underneath my covers in bed, just before drifting off to sleep. In that moment all my frivolous worries seem to evaporate, and lying there warm and sleepy, I have a vague realization of how comfortable and fortunate I am, to be here, to be me.

So I will fight off hibernation with my little moments of bliss. And winter will pass. As it tends to do. (Is it wrong to be looking towards summer already?)