Lucky

(Written on June 8th, 2010)

It’s my last evening in Torino, and I think I’m going to miss this place. I’m going to miss the smell of fresh bread from bakeries on every block, I’m going to miss the bustling street markets where I was too chicken to buy anything because I did not know Italian, I’m going to miss the wonderful espresso and perfect cappuccino that come in small cups (and no paper-cup-to-go monstrosities here!), I’m going to miss the fruity flavors of gelato and my excuse to have all the sugar I want… I think I’m even going to miss using badly pronounced Italian words and hand gestures to communicate.

Admittedly, there were some evenings when I felt extremely depressed and alone. The best places on Earth just aren’t fun without friends and people you love. But this was temporary, and I am glad I had to take on this solitude. It has made me stronger.

And I feel like such a lucky girl. As I sit on the bus to the train station to buy my bus ticket to the airport, I literally count my blessings. I am lucky to have such a nice collaborator to invite me here, and he was such a wonderful host. I am so lucky to have a generous advisor who encouraged me to come here. I am lucky to be a carefree grad student who can focus on her project and not worry about funding students or experiments. I am so very lucky to be young and healthy and have enough money to enjoy sightseeing and food and all these nice experiences.

Even things that irked me at the time… as I count I find that these irritations only happened because I have so much. That I am so truly blessed. I am thankful for the occasions my work made me confused, because that meant I had new problems to solve. I am thankful for the way my feet ached for 3 days after seeing Rome, a sign that I had made every effort to see Rome, and that my legs were strong enough to take me around. I am lucky I had the luxury to agonize over whether or not to purchase all those pretty things in the shops, because it means I am able to afford pretty things. I am glad that I had to travel alone, because it means I am still unattached, unmarried, and don’t have children, because I recognize that this time of freedom (probably?!?) won’t last forever. I am thankful for the language barrier, because I had to rebuild courage to communicate, a quality I’d have never thought I lacked. And I am happy that I feel sad to be leaving, because this means I have enjoyed my time here, and it also means I am going home (as defined to be the place we live most of time)!